Maverick vs. Celerity, McCain vs. Obama: Post-election commentary

Well, the presidential campaign is over.  Historic, emotional and scandalous entertainment is over.  No more moose huntin’ hockey moms from Alaska for “Nicholas Sarkozy” to call.  No more doddering old mavericks on death’s doorstep to fall asleep to.

Thank God, there will still be plenty of that good ol’ Chicago presidential heart throb to look out for every morning at the White House. 

That’s right. The United States of America (my home and native land) has finally given me something to look forward to when I visit make the journey to Washington. 

In case you weren’t paying attention, Obamamania has hit the White House.  Barack Obama and his adorable family will soon call the White House home.

But enough about Obama’s amazingly historic and emotional win; let’s get on with the show; take a walk down memory lane with me.

Remember when Sarah Palin was chosen as McCain’s VP running mate; they really should have changed the term running mate to wheel-along-with-me mate.  No one at McCain’s feeble age should be doing physically exerting themselves. Anyways, a glass ceiling was shattered; Oprah should have been on her soapbox giving Palin a week’s worth of shows.

If only Palin weren’t taking the women’s movement back a couple steps, Oprah’s soapbox wouldn’t have gotten put back in storage with Stedman and Gail. 

You see, the self-proclaimed Versace and Dior clad hockey mom didn’t break the ceiling for women in politics; she added a couple ventilation ducts and some nice pine shingling keep us in the house.  The she-maverick apparently symbolized the American woman.  Funny though, some American women have had abortions, which Palin is against; some American women are lesbians, which Palin will not tolerate; and some American women are actually men, but don’t tell Palin that she’ll have to exorcise the Devil out of them.

Oh! And I almost forgot, most hockey moms don’t spend $150,000 on Dolce & Gabana, Dior, Versace and Louis Vuitton mittens and ear muffs to keep themselves warm at the diamond-encrusted ice rink.  I guess every hockey mom in America should ask the Republicans to pay for their ice rink ensembles.

But enough about the catastrophe that is Sarah ‘Nailin’ Palin, let’s get to her Presidential wanna-be wheel-along-with-me mate, John McCain.

Well, really I want to talk about his wife, the rather youthful Cindy McCain.  The thirty-somethin’ looking 54-year-old has aged oh-so naturally and gracefully; her doctors can’t even believe how good her genes.  Soon, they will want to take DNA samples and create a new anti-aging cream called Republican Youthfulness.  Perhaps the Surgeon General’s warning could be “May cause hospital stay involving scalpels and botox/collagen injections.”

Oh, the Republican woes sure did make me laugh.  The Democrates had their issues, but none of those provided hours of hilarity and SNL material.

But on a serious note, it was great to vote and be a part of the history-making election that gave America its first African-American president.  Now to rejoice with some of my celebrity loving voters and laugh at the mavericks.

~ by jessolwen on November 11, 2008.